Downton Abbey review: Series 3 Episode 2

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“Which only goes to show that you’re American and I’m English.”

You better all make sure you hide your flammable objects because Lady Mary is in the mood to burn.

Yes, the big story this week was the amazing Lady Mary/Dowager Countess team-up, setting off on Mission: Save the Abbey. Seriously, watching them not-to-subtly attempt to play up the virtues of Downton every time Martha was in earshot was such a joy to watch; even more of a joy was watching all their plans crumble around them thanks to poor Alfred’s bad valeting skills and a smoky chimney down in the kitchen. That, and the fact that Cora’s father had tied up all the money to make sure those pesky Granthams didn’t get their hands on a cent more. Unfortunately for the future of the Abbey, Matthew is still refusing to use St Lavinia’s money to rescue Downton. Oh, Matthew, so noble and principled. That'll never last in this family.

It has to be noted here that the presence of another American brought out even more fierceness than usual in Violet. There were so many great lines, the first being her dry response of “So we can see” to Martha’s declaration that she loved the sun. Maggie Smith was equal and more to the lines she was given; the sight of her talking out of the side of her mouth to Robert at the dinner table was just glorious, and her horror at his “casual”, barbeque-appropriate clothing later in the episode was even better: “Might I have a drink? Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were a waiter.” But the very best Violet moment of the episode, perhaps ever, was totally wordless: her reaction to Martha singing directly at her, a mixture of total horror and, well, total horror, was easily one of the funniest things I’ve seen all year.

© ITV; Image Credit: ITV

And Edith finally got a story this week! A story! ForEdith! That didn’t involve her being in love with a man who had no face! OK, so it did involve her practically throwing herself at a man a couple of decades older than her who only has one arm, but, hey, he’s quite nice, so I’ll take it. Actually, what didn’t ring true was the idea that Violet and Robert would object to Sir Anthony so strongly as a suitor for Edith; they were all happy enough with him pre-war and the scarcity of young men in her generation post-1918 would surely have made Sir Anthony seem more suitable for Edith, not less. Still, the jeopardy didn’t last long, and so Edith is actually getting married! I am going to do something jolly with my hair to celebrate.

Following the undeniable success of Mrs Patmore and Daisy as a comedy duo (“Oh dear, have you swallowed a dictionary?” FOREVER), this week the cook was teamed up with Mrs Hughes for a more serious storyline, albeit one that still had a few laughs. Of course, Mrs Hughes probably has cancer, but she still managed to crack some funnies: “Mrs Patmore, will you please leave the hysteria to me?” Her probably-cancer (they already had the sick make-up out in force for her) stopped Mrs Hughes from working up to Carson’s exacting standards, but she did get an apology (“I know I’ve been a bit crabby, but I am on your side”) that probably left all the Carson/Hughes shippers out there foaming at the mouth. Yep, people longing for a Carson/Hughes love-fest – it’s a thing. Don’t worry, she probably won’t die, as no-one dies at the Abbey unless the plot requires it. RIP Sweet William, St Lavinia and Mr Pamuk the Turk.

© ITV; Image credit: ITV

New footman/valet-in-training Alfred had a mixed week. On the negative side, Thomas tricked him into burning a hole in Matthew’s tails, which led to a very dramatic pre-ad break cliffhanger in which O’Brien assured him that she believed him about... which bottle on the shelf Thomas had pointed to. On the plus side, someone took revenge on Thomas for him, and he totally got a snog off Reed, Martha’s impressively eyebrowed American maid.

This week in the Bates mini-series that is randomly interspersed through the other action: he feels bad that the Abbey might have to be sold (yeah, right); Anna wondered about the logic of Vera’s actions (really, Anna, if she’d acted logically the whole show might have exploded, so don’t question it too much); and Bates was violent towards another prisoner, so he totes might actually have done it.

Oh, and dear, sweet Molesley has finally been allowed to valet up at the Big House. Sometimes, if he waits long enough and clutches tightly enough to his specially purchased shoe horn, a man’s dreams really can come true.